Female Terminology: Learn it...remember it.

FINE
this is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
if she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
this is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
this is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
this is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

Oh, and before we forget ...

"WHATEVER"
...it's a woman's way of saying FUCK YOU

I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINKING

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

Male or Female??

Have you ever stopped to think whether the inanimate things around us also have genders? Believe it or not, they do! Check out these things we use in our daily lives, who would have though!?!

Ziploc bags are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

Copiers are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons Are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

A tire is male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

A hot air balloon is male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

Sponges are female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

A web page is female, because it's always getting hit on.

A subway is male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

An hourglass is female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

A hammer is male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

A remote control is female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps! trying!